A wise friend recently shared this with me-
Sometimes we think that surrendering something to God means giving it up blindly but that is not God's character. He doesn't make us forfeit, He calls us to radically trust.
Oh how it resonated with my heart, as I was able to identify my feelings with these words. The laying down is the hardest part, because it feels like you are letting go, when in fact you had no true strength in holding on to begin with. I remember so clearly the feeling of finally and fully surrendering Brent, fifteen months after we had broken up. I cried all night long, feeling a cleanse but at the same time a hurt that went deep. It felt like everything I had fought for to that point was for nothing. But oh, if I could have seen the bigger picture.
The thing is...if I could have seen into my future, known that in another short fifteen month period he would be mine again, and this time in a much healthier way...I wonder if I would have fought so hard, gone so deep, and worked through my feelings. I clung to the Lord during that time of unknown, and I listened to Him in a way that, if life had been easy, I'm not sure I would have. You see, if I had known the outcome my human tendency may have led me to coast numbly through that time. Instead the Lord invited me into trust that was terrifying and faith that was stronger than I had ever experienced.
The hard times, as difficult as they may be, produce a rawness that can only lead to growth if you allow it to. But when you embrace rather than shield, you grow deeper than you ever could have.