As I enter this year there is an overwhelming sense of fresh and new that fills me. It’s an anticipation that, while some years ask questions, others give answers- and that maybe this year will answer.
On December 31 I took time to sit, with my journal, by myself, and think. This is something I hadn’t done since probably before Thanksgiving, and something I quickly realized I’d been lacking. Sometimes the only way that I can fully process what is going on inside my head is when I get it out on paper. I’ve found that I’m pretty good with shallow verbal communication, but when it’s getting to the depths of my heart, my journal and this blog have aided me greatly.
Sometimes I think it’s not the writing that’s the point, but the creating of space.
As I wrote I realized that I have allowed my heart to become jaded. I know in my head that greater things are yet to come, and my head knowledge tells me that the Lord has provided in the past and will provide in the future. But my heart doesn’t believe it, my heart doesn’t trust it.
I have been allowing my heart to lose hope, and feeding the fears of my mind.
hope deferred makes the heart sick
there has to be trust. trust is what feeds the hope.. and when hope is present there is more.
hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when desire comes it is a tree of life.
and desire will come. it always comes.
it has come in the form of physical healing. it has come as my husband. it is coming in my home.
it will come. it always does.
Because God is. And he always comes through.