Have you ever prayed something into existence? You focus all your energy into one area, cry a lot, pray a lot, believe with alllll the intensity and emotion. Then it happens so fast you can barely catch up. Fifteen months later and I'm still play catch up with those emotions from the day I became a mom.
I am a firm believer that the Lord gives an abundance of supernatural grace specific to the season you're in. I've seen it over and over. In fact my current life status is grace upon grace for the amount that has changed in just a few months. I went from zero kids and all kinds of down-time to toddler + newborn = my time is not my own.
While we are blessed beyond measure by these gifts, I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard. Cloud nine eventually dissipates, you're left with real life, and miracles don't always feel miraculous when it's largely opinionated little humans you're dealing with. I am blessed with many wise women in my life who have encouraged me in the midst of my chaos. One lesson I always come back to is that motherhood is just plain sanctifying. There is no way around the fact that it breaks you down, and cleanses every selfish part in you. As exhausted as I feel some days, I feel equally purposeful. THIS is what I dreamed of, and I'm living it. I may have pictured a calmer, cleaner, less defiant version...but ideals will get you every time.
A few of my favorite thoughts & lessons lately:
-I envisioned a very neutral childhood for whoever my future children would be. Along came Cam, and everything changed. I dress him in neutrals and feel like I'm doing him some sort of injustice. The kid is practically a graphic tee model (not the hipster kind) and LOVES the color blue (not the subtle kind). Nothing makes him happier than mismatched pajamas and socks with flip flops. #chooseyourbattles
-I was catapulted into motherhood from a season of long, intense times with the Lord. I would pray, journal and read the Bible for hours on our attic window seat (which has recently been transformed by purple crayon). Only lately have I realized that my relationship with the Lord is not less because my time has shifted. My current mode of worship and my encounters with Him are through investing in the lives of my children.
-A talking toddler is cute and fun, until they start talking back. Parenting is a whole new territory now that it doesn't just require feeding, playing and snuggles. I've had to become more creative and less lazy very quickly.
-While Brent and I were praying and believing for children one of my favorite verses was Psalm 27:14, "When I wait, you strengthen my heart." In those years I clung to this as the Lord sustaining me through our struggle with infertility and loss. Now I look back and believe He was also strengthening me for such a time as THIS.
-Lastly, the words I'm meditating on lately. I've been reading these each morning since a good friend (and amazing mother) shared them with me.