2017 started off strong, like every new year does. I had a surgery the first week of the year that went better than we thought it would, my plane ticket to London was booked, and the plan to open our home for foster care was underway.
Over-prepared would be an accurate way to describe me at that time. Picture a girl with a nursery that had been ready four months prior and wayyyy too much time on her hands individually soaking vinyl window blinds in her bathtub while listening to podcasts on bonding with foster and adoptive children. Run-on sentences aside, those were the days.
Weeks began to drag by, and I swear every time my phone ran I vaulted over whatever was in my way to answer. The plan I had crafted for our life was creeping closer and closer to it's deadline (We have to get a baby well before wedding season was my "only" stipulation. This did not happen lol.). Around month two of no phone calls I began seriously asking the Lord if I was just not supposed to be a mom or something.
In the midst of my messy emotions I barely noticed that I physically was not feeling great. After a workout gone bad, I ended up in an LGH lab only to realize that I had somehow missed nine weeks of pregnancy.
In my human mind it all started to make sense. So THIS is why the Lord has us waiting for foster care. Our miracle baby! I'm pregnant! And just as I began to so graciously "forgive" the Lord for not making it clearer to me earlier on, things progressed quickly and we were faced with another loss.
My new year, my hopes and dreams, everything felt tainted by the letdown of my physical body and the confusion I felt toward yet another waiting season in our life. I walked by our empty nursery daily and tried not to resent it, but 2017 was quickly becoming "just another hard year" in my mind. I was beginning to forget that it had just barely started.
One year ago I was physically recovering, emotionally drained and struggling hard with hope. To think I ended the very same year that began marked by loss with so much life. A lot can happen in one year.
As I look forward to 2018, I am moved by the reminder that even if hope seems to be fading, light can still shine through. It's worth it to dwell in hope.
Your year may have started off marked by disappointment, but it doesn't have to stay that way. If you allow your current circumstances to define what your future will hold, you are not allowing room for fulfillment of the beautiful things Jesus has for you. I speak to this because I have seen it in my own life.
Believing for new things is so exhausting some days, especially when they don't happen along your timeline. I wanted to share the lessons that 2017 taught me specifically to highlight the importance of dwelling in hope. You don't know what the future holds, and I can't tell you that any results you are praying for will be immediate, but choosing to believe that hard seasons don't last forever is a 100% worthwhile way to start off your new year.
P.S. I have been praying a lot for breakthrough in different friends' stories. If you have something in your life that you are believing for, or feel like you are beginning to lose hope in any area I would love to pray for you too. Please let me know, and I can begin praying more specifically!